i'm rotting from the inside out this isn't how it's supposed to be i'm sick and i'm tired and i can't take anymore

Today started off bad.

My final year project has a massive problem with it, that I'm not sure if I can fix, it's due in two weeks.
On top of that I'll have to do the dissertation for it after the demonstration date now, meaning I'm not sure if I'll have enough time to study for exams.


Then it got worse.

I've just been told my parents are beyond broke. Which means a lot of things. It means I'll be using my 21st money to try pay for my masters, which I'll also have to take out a loan to pay the rest. I have no idea how I'll be able to pay this loan back as the masters course doesn't allow anytime for a part time job.

I have no idea how i'm going to live. I've been using my 21st money to live off and a little help from my parents becasue I'm in forth year. I now can't use either of these obviously.

I can't go away this summer. It may seem stupid to be pissed over this when every thing else is so FUCKED UP, but this has literally been whats been keeping me going. What's allowed me to work through on the all nighters, and miss the parties and the nights out. Knowing that in a few months I'd be able to reward myself with a trip I've wanted to do for years. Now its gone and I think it's going to take me with it. All i have to look forward to is mounting debt and what ever it is that i am being crushed.

The loneliness and distance from everything I've been feeling lately isn;t helping any of this. I really think I'm about to hit breaking point, I just....i dunno, wish things would work out for once. I spend most my life planning, its the way i am. But the big ones, the things i care about, the things that make my heart explode....well i guess planning is a waste of time.


Some days just make you wish you'd disappeared in your sleep.